I’ve put off this post for the longest time. Mostly because it is a massive post – yes, in length, but moreso in how much of my heart is in it. It was not the easiest thing to write, by any means, but so that others might find hope….
The Bible is a book of hope, but not everything in the Bible is so easy to trust and have faith in, especially when your own experience seems to be screaming the opposite: that the Bible doesn’t know what it is talking about, that it doesn’t understand real people, that it is just too difficult, and that loss is loss and there is no hope in difficulty.
It has been the most difficult year of my life, and though I have the tendency to exaggerate, this is by no means an exaggeration; it is an understatement. Just a few weeks ago, I lost my mother to cancer. She had been diagnosed with colon cancer nearly 2 years ago, and it had metastasized and affected her lungs. Things were relatively stable with her treatments until just a few weeks ago, when things suddenly took a turn for the worst.
The two weeks in the hospital were the darkest times I’ve had to go through, punctuating what had already been a very dark year leading up to it. I became as well acquainted with “loss” as I could possibly endure.
Reflecting on the “loss” of the past year however, I came to the realization that losing so many important things had one amazingly hopeful effect. All the loss severed some of the cords that had bound my heart to the love of this world and to the love of my own life. Coming to this realization, the path to love God with all my heart, mind, and strength was cleared — wide open.
The greatest commandment is to love God with the entirety of one’s being. A fading love for the world is the most gracious thing our Father could give.
In this way, there is hope amidst loss, and I can say that loss is gain. I hope these words, coming from someone who has “lost” so much, have some credibility.
Here is the eulogy I shared during my mom’s memorial service. I can only hope that the gospel shone brightly that day, and that Jesus Christ looked glorious.
A Gift From God
I’m here today to speak about a gift from God.
Firstly, the gift of an extraordinary person whom I had the privilege to call “Mom.”
On the way back from the hospital, my dad turned to me and said to me, “Kevin, your mom was a very strong person…Stronger than you or me.” I would have to agree with him.
In her final few days in the hospital, my mom proved to be the strongest woman that I’ve ever known. Even though nothing seemed to be going her way, she didn’t complain one bit. Instead, the doctors and nurses would tell my dad and me what a sweet lady she was, how kind and gracious she was. Though she couldn’t say much because of her breathing problems, you could see her strength in her attitude. When we were in the hospital, my dad and I would be sitting by either side of her bed and we both would be crying. If you could picture that in your head for a moment, these two grown men, crying and sobbing, while this frail little woman in an oxygen mask sits up in between them, completely calm and composed.
But to be honest, Mom wasn’t always like that. Mom was a very private person, so most of you may not have gotten to know her. But I’d like to tell you about the kind of person she was, and the kind of person that she had become by the time that she passed away.
I can tell you that she was a devoted mother. Even before I was born, Mom readily gave up her career for me. After she found out she was pregnant with me, she immediately quit her job: she didn’t even go back to work the next day. Instead, she got into bed and didn’t get out for over a month. She cared about me, even before I was born. She worried about me, she was always worried about me.
And for the 25 years following that, my mom remained consistent. Back in elementary school, every night, without fail, she would look over my homework, whether I wanted her to or not. She would put her own work aside and grade my homework, marking all the places I had made mistakes. I got pretty good grades growing up, but it wasn’t because I was such a great student. It was because at home my mom would do the work of a teacher, grading my assignments, giving me feedback, teaching me what I didn’t understand, and pushing me to work harder.
One of my most lasting memories about my mom happened when I was in the 7th or 8th grade. I had a report due and stayed up late finishing it off. It was well past midnight. For some reason, my printer malfunctioned that day. My teacher required the assignment to be typed, so I was left without an option. My mom typically stayed up late every night, working on paperwork for the shop, so on this particular night, I went up and cried about it to her. She didn’t even say a word, but she put away her work, pulled out an old typewriter and typed my entire report on the typewriter, just so I’d have something to turn in. My mom is not the fastest typist. It took her a while, especially on that old typewriter. But I’ll never forget that scene. The house was completely dark except for the one light in my mom’s office, and the house was completely silent except for the sound of typewriter keys clacking. As much as that scene stands out, what stands out more is that she was always like that.
Being such a private person, she was a woman of few words. She would very rarely express herself and for someone who didn’t know her, it would be impossible to tell what she got excited about. But though she wouldn’t really show what she was excited about, she couldn’t hide what she got nervous about. I remember we would always watch 49er games on Sundays, back when they were worth watching, and whenever the Niners kicked a field goal, she would get so nervous that she had to close her eyes and cover her ears until we told her it was ok.
But as much as the 49ers stressed out my mom, she was probably most anxious about me. She would never let me go outside the house without a jacket, for fear that I would catch cold, even during the summer. In fact, if you were to ask me a couple years ago, for a phrase to describe my mom, I would say “constant worrier.” Worrying was big a problem for her.
But during her almost two years fighting cancer and enduring chemotherapy, my mom was a different woman. She stopped worrying during the season of her life that one would think would give her the most to worry about.
How could a woman who had been so anxious for most her life have such peace facing so much uncertainty?
My mom was able to have so much peace because she understood something. After my mom had found out about her cancer 2 years ago, but before she passed away, my mom understood something for the very first time. And I believe that she wants me to share this with all of you.
About 2 years ago, after we found out about the cancer, for the first time, my mom really understood that she was a sinner. When I say sinner, I don’t mean just some flawed human person, but an enemy against the very same God who had created her: A sinner against a Creator that had every right to punish her. We’re all like this, but not everyone realizes it.
But how did knowing that she was a sinner bring her peace on her deathbed? Doesn’t being a sinner mean you are supposed to go to hell?
Yes, it does. But only after Mom understood that she was a sinner, did she start to hate sin and begin to cry out for Jesus to save her. Mom understood that she could not save herself from sin and hell, but she believed that Christ could. Friends, family…he did save her. Christ always saves those who know they are helpless and trust in Him.
My mom and I studied a particular passage in the Bible once. Romans 5:6-8. It says
Ro 5:6-8 – 6For while we were still helpless, at the right time Christ died for the ungodly. 7For one will hardly die for a righteous man; though perhaps for the good man someone would dare even to die. 8But God demonstrates His own love toward us, in that while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us.
It doesn’t say that Christ saves the self-righteous. It doesn’t say that Christ saves the generally good and moral people. It doesn’t say that Christ saves nice and kind people who work really hard. It says that Christ saves helpless sinners, while they are still helpless sinners. And this is the only way of salvation.
It cost Him his life, but when Christ died on the cross, He paid for my Mom’s sin, and He went to hell instead of her. The Bible says that Christ takes our sinfulness and the consequences of that sinfulness, and we get Christ’s righteousness and the benefits of that righteousness instead. My mom was the sinner, but the sinless Christ faced the wrath of God instead.
And because He rose again from the grave, my mom didn’t have to worry anymore about the one thing that everybody worries about: Death. She finally stopped worrying, even as she sat in her hospital bed struggling to breathe. She didn’t worry because she knew she was already taken care of.
I know for certain that it was God’s peace that she had. As we were going through Mom’s things after she passed, we found this piece of paper on her desk. We actually didn’t find this until just yesterday. So I had no idea about this until yesterday. She had written out a verse from the Bible, probably right before she had to go to the hospital, and I think it beautifully and appropriately describes my Mom during her final hours.
Php 4:4-6 – 4Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! 5Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. 6Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.
She didn’t write out the next verse, but I don’t think she needed to, because she lived it out instead:
Php 4:7 – 7And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.
I had said earlier that I was going to speak about a gift from God, and while my mom was very much a gift from God, the gift from God to all of us is His own Son, Jesus Christ who was without sin. He can save us from sin and hell. The Bible says that the penalty of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus. He is God’s gift to us all, a Savior who dies in the place of sinners like you and me. But sadly, most people don’t take that gift. Jesus saves those who hate their sin and want to be saved from it. Jesus saves those who want to turn from their sin and be right with God. This is the ultimate gift from God. Most people don’t take that gift, because they love their sin, but my mom claimed this gift by faith in Jesus Christ.
Before I end, I have to thank God for one more gift. I thank God for this cancer.
I praise God for the very cancer that took my mom’s life, because it led her to everlasting life. Her diagnosis brought her to a place where she considered life and death, and eventually eternal life in heaven. If my mom had continued to live her life for 20-30 more years I don’t know if she would have accepted Jesus Christ as Savior and Lord. Thank God for the cancer.
Many people will look at my mom’s life and think it is unfair. They would think that she was cheated by death, robbed of the last portion of her life. But this is not true. My mom was not cheated by death, but Jesus Christ conquered death when He resurrected, and if my mom could speak to you right now, she would not say that this cancer was unfair. I truly believe that she would say with all her heart:
1 Co 15:55 – 55“O death, where is your victory? O death, where is your sting?”
When my mom was struggling to breathe, she was struggling to breathe dry and stale hospital air, but now she is breathing deeply the sweet air of heaven, sharing in Christ’s victory over death. An eternity with God, instead of twenty more years in this fallen world? It is well worth it.
My mom isn’t the type of person who would want so much attention. I think if she wanted to be remembered, she wouldn’t want to be remembered as an extraordinary woman or anything. She would simply want to tell you all to enjoy life while you have it, but make sure to love everybody around you. That’s what I plan to do until Christ carries me home, and to all of you as well, enjoy life while you have it, but love everyone around you, because Christ loved us first.
